It didn't take long

for me to be late about posting.
Oh, well.

First things first, my membership to the B and N expires at the end of the month.
And I think, maybe, just maybe, I will sign up for a Book-A-Million (BAM) membership instead of renewing my B and N.
Now, y'all know how faithful I am to the B and N.
But down here, the BAMs are just better.
Their hours are longer, they seem to have a bigger selection of my preferred YA.
I mean, the decision has not been made yet (mostly because I'm poor this month), but.
Just thought I'd fill you in.
Because really, if I get a BAM membership, that's a big deal.

I find myself not writing as much as I'd like.
I've been wondering why this is, and I have some semblance of an answer.
Sometimes, I feel like my whole self is being ripped different directions.
I have to focus on work, my dreams, my new living situation, what I'm consuming, what I'm reading, staying connected to home, being present where I am, etc.
The pressure of being focused on all of these things is I feel like there's nothing left at the end of the day to give, no lingering creativity, no beautiful arrangement of words from my own hand.
I felt this during my internship, too.
I think part of it is transition and part of it is lack of discipline.
Like, of course it's hard to say something meaningful when sometimes it feels like a small victory just making it through the day in one piece.
Anyway, this is rambley--just what's on my mind.

This week has been a hard one.
It is winding down to a hopeful close.
I am thankful for you today.
I am glad that you are reading my words, even though I'm not always fully committed to them.
I hope wherever you are, you allow yourself to see beauty happening.
Be kind to yourself.
I'm learning this, too.
Drink hot chocolate from oversized mugs,
and build fires for marshmallows.
Enjoy the company of laughter and hope.
Peace to you.

love.
whit

Ramblings of Wednesday

The day did not start off on a great note.

My espresso drink from Starbucks tasted silky.

I like my coffee (and mochas, specifically) bitter and smooth.

Silky is not something I want to happen inside my mouth.

Just before that, I bit into an apple I was hoping would be a nice, quick breakfast.

Instead, it was gritty and gag-inducing.

Settling into this environment that isn't so new but has a new context is hard.

Crappy mornings do not help this matter.

But the day didn't stay so for long.

I read Libba's blog and laughed.

Laughter is a wonderful antidote to crappy mornings.

I started Emily Dickinson's biography during lunch.

Thick book.

I only made it through the chronology and preface.

I also checked out four more books from the library.

Now, I have nine books checked out.

I know it sounds like a lot, and I probably won't read them in the three week time allotment.

But the thing is, it makes my spirits brighter just finding and holding onto the promise of a good story.

It may sound a little crazy, especially for you I'm-not-really-the-reading-type people.

It actually helps my mental health though. :)

Something I realized today:

Between the Trees is to emo-ish punk music as Kenny Chesney is to country music.

Since BTT is one of my favorite bands, this is a sad realization.

I think Kenny can put on a good show, and I enjoy his vibe.

But.

He hasn't written a new song in years.

He just keeps writing the same one and singing it over and over.

It seems to me that BTT is much like this.

Ryan (the lead singer) writes the same song again and again and again and again.

They are all about him loving a girl and a) missing her, b) wanting to hold her, or c) telling her how much he loves her.

And that's awesome.

But I need a little thought, some vocabulary, and a little fucking thought.

I mean, I'm really glad that you miss your girlfriend, but can you please figure out a different way to express yourself?

Because quite frankly, sir, you sound like a broken record.

You can say "I miss you" in one song, but there are other creative and thoughtful ways to express your misery at her absence.

See what I just did there?

"Misery at her absence" = missing her = not hard = actually thinking before speaking/writing.

It is really dumb because I think the guys are really talented, and I love Ryan's voice.

I just can't really take him seriously anymore.

Also upsetting: it took them three years to come out with a sophomore album!

Three years.

And all you have to sing about is how much you <3>

/rant.

In other music updates of my life, I was introduced to Bon Iver in the fall.

The lyrics and Justin's voice mesmerize me.

I hope you will take a minute and listen, especially "Skinny Love."

Justin wrote the whole first album out in a cabin in the woods by himself.

I can't believe this is my second post in a week.

:)

I guess it's good to start strong.

Hope your Wednesday night is cozy and warm.

love.

New Beginning

So as it turns out, I wasn't so good about carving out writing time in my schedule in the fall.

This winter is an attempt to be better.

Some of you may know this already, but for those who don't:

I've left the land of the pines for the land of the palms.

At the end of my term, TWLOHA offered me a full time job that I accepted.

If you don't know this already, I'm sorry it is happening through an Internet post.

I only had three weeks at home, and I did as much visiting and hanging out as I could.

Forgive me.

And since my mind is scattered today, I leave you with my thoughts in a list:

1. Heavy and Light was amazing. It is crazy to be on the team instead of in the crowd. I got to meet Anis Mojgani. He is one of the kindest souls I've ever met--gentle, sweet, raw, and honest.

2. I am incredibly grateful for the constant company of books. They meet me in ways that keep me grounded.

3. Cocoa has a quiet library with great nooks. I believe I enjoy frequenting it.

4. In the past week, I have drank coffee almost every day. I realize many college students do this for survival, but I didn't. It has always been a symbol of transitioning into being a grown-up, which I guess is what I am now. haha.

5. At Heavy and Light, Aaron Gillespie compared Zach Williams to a male version of Aretha Franklin. I agree with him. Do you? myspace.com/zacharywilliams

6. Today, I will check out Whitman's Leaves of Grass and some of Emily Dickinson's poetry. I have been very curious about poetry since my newfound love on John Keats this past fall.

7. It's actually cold in Florida!! When we were driving home from Heavy and Light, it was 29 degrees--29 DEGREES!! That is legit cold. I was ecstatic. Earlier that day, it was sleeting (only for a few minutes and melting upon meeting the ground, but still--sleet. In Florida).

Wherever you are, I hope you're reading good books.

If you are, tell me their titles. :)

Writers and Writing

I just read John Green’s Printz Award speech from a few years ago.

He got it for Looking for Alaska.

Alaska is the reason for the flowerpot tattoo on my leg.

John Green has impacted my life and my writing and the way I think about the world so much.

I am grateful that he exists and chooses to share his thoughts with the rest of us.

He is a main reason I want to write books.

I try not to talk about wanting to write books too much.

In part because I don’t think I can because oh-my-gosh-what-if-i-don’t-have-anything-to-say.

And in part because I don’t want to be a person who always says things but never does them.

And of course because I’m afraid of committing to the life of a writer, of the road it will take me down.

But John, his writing makes me believe in myself, and it makes me want to do the hard work, long hours, and stress it takes to be a writer.

I found TWLOHA three years ago.

It was a beautiful story of hope and redemption that met me in a time when I desperately needed both.

Over these past three years, I have read countless blogs.

Sometimes when I saw a new blog was posted, I would tell myself if I did everything on my to-do list, then I could read it.

Sometimes, the blogs picked me up off the floor.

Other times, the words sat with me as I rocked back and forth, trying to soothe my pain.

Always, they made me feel less alone.

I remember writing in my journal once that I wanted to touch people’s lives like that with words.

Last week, I wrote a blog for TWLOHA (posted below).

It was only supposed to be for the road blog, but Jamie (the founder) read it and said it should be posted everywhere we post blogs (and that’s like 4 different places).

First of all, I was floored.

I mean, I worked hard on it, but mostly it was something that just flowed out after reflecting on the day with the team.

Suddenly, I had done something I wanted to do but never knew would be possible.

There are more than 100 comments on that blog full of praises about the words I wrote.

This is obviously encouraging.

It made me think maybe I can do this writing thing.

I’ve done so much over the past few years I never believed I could do before I decided to go after it with all I have.

For example, I am an English major (also, I realize some people may think that I am no longer an English major since I graduated, but that just isn’t true—I will be an English major for life).

I sucked in English all through school.

Like, I got my first D in Phonics in second grade.

And I hated being bad at English because I loved reading so much.

I made it into all the honors and AP classes in high school because I knew how to work the system, not because I was really smart in the subject.

I remember sitting in senior English reading Shakespeare and wishing so hard that I could understand his crazy 400 year old drama speak.

I also remember my first assignment for Shakespeare in college and how after Act I, I actually knew what the story was about.

I ended up chasing English as my focus for my college career because of Ms. Britt.

She believed in me.

She said, “a writer is someone who writes.”

That statement gave me so much hope.

I respect her, and whenever she gives me a compliment, I know it is the truth.

Ms. Britt doesn’t tell a lie when it comes to giving an opinion about writing.

She made me believe I could have a different story, and I am grateful for her all the time.

So, I guess what I’m really trying to say is I’m hopeful.

I know that Jesus believes in me more than myself most of the time.

He will take me places bigger than my dreams if I ask.

Now for a few updates:

1. It cooled off for a few days!!!!!! I actually wore long sleeves and shivered. It was glorious. :) Sadly, it will be in the 80s again this week, but the staff says it will get colder soon.
2. I really enjoy The Proposal (the movie with Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds). We watched it last night on the projector (because we don’t have a tv), and it was just as awesome as when I saw it in the theater.
3. I finished Donald Miller’s A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. It was good. I think the challenge he places on himself and presents to the reader will stay with me for years to come. He dares us to live a better story, to realize each person is “a tree in a story about a forest.” And he has really great stories, short real-life vignettes to unpack all of his points.
4. I really miss my apartment bed. It was a full size bed that I could sleep on one side with clothes and books and pillows on the other side. I also miss my nightstand. Not that it was fantastic, it just existed. I sleep on a top bunk here with no nightstand. It is quite unfortunate.
5. Where the Wild Things Are is one of my favorite movies of all time. Dave Eggers and Spike Jonze executed the story beautifully on screen. The emotion is real and deep and is not explained away with too many words. I cried. A few times. I can’t wait to make it a part of my collection. Please read Libba Bray’s post for more of about the movie. I agree with her. http://libba-bray.livejournal.com/

I hope this post finds you well and smiling. May your week be filled with good reading and lots of laughs.

so much love.

whit

Follow the Link

for pictures. :)

http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=61976377&blogId=514182039

so much love.

whitney

A Little Bit of What I'm Up To

This is a little something I'm working on for TWLOHA to post on the Tumblr blog. It's about a walk we participated in on Saturday. I hope you are well and still enjoying your fall. :)

Side by Side, We Walked

When we woke up to go the park in Cocoa Beach for the Out of the Darkness Walk, it was still dark outside. We loaded up in the van to go to the park. The walk was part of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. We checked in and met Angela, the woman who organized the walk for our area. She wore a button on her shirt with a smiling young woman with long auburn hair on it. It’s her sister Carla. She died by suicide two years ago. Today, her family walked for her. We did, too.

Memory boards covered one picnic table. It was a place for attendees to write special messages to friends and family lost to suicide. This year we received donations at TWLOHA from friends and families in memory of loved ones lost to suicide. We hold them and their families close to our hearts. We walked in their honor and on behalf of their loved ones.

Before beginning the walk, Angela gathered us around. She shared the story of her sister’s long battle against depression. She talked about how important it is that we reach out to others, to make it real when we say “you are not alone.” She stressed the importance of medication and therapy. She said her family wanted to do this walk in an effort to help people like their sister. With a group of no more than thirty-five people, together, we set out to walk three miles, half on the sidewalk along the road, half on the beach. The sun had been rising in the sky, and the light was erasing the darkness.

We walked for the memories.

We walked for the families.

We walked for the names on our banner posted to the memory board.

We walked for the woman on the beach we met who lost her brother to suicide.

We walked with the family who lost their father two months ago.

We walked with the women who lost her father thirteen years ago to suicide, who attempted to take her own life seven years ago.

We walked so that we don’t forget.

We walked because we are all connected.

We walked to let our stories come together, to tell a greater story of hope.

Yes, we walked for HOPE.

It was an honor to be a part of such an intimate setting, walking with such a freshness of healing. We are grateful to have been there, to literally walk through this with people in our community. We entered the walk among strangers, and left with friends, left with people who truly cared for one another, left with encouragement that we are doing the right thing. We left in the light.

so much love.

whit

Updates, Books, and Home

I hate the way that time seems to run away from you before you even realize it. I’m not so good at updating this blog more than once a week. The sad part is that I have so much to blog about, but there doesn’t seem to be enough time to get all of the thoughts down. I will be better about this.

Update:

1. So, I watched Whip It! Ellen Page is phenomenal, and the story is good. But for me, it was hollow. I read half of the book. If you know me, you know that rarely do I only read half of a book. But the story wasn’t captivating enough. And the author is the same person who wrote the screenplay, so I think it’s more that I don’t like her writing. I mean, I love the idea of a young and quirky woman with a lot of spunk decides to challenge herself with roller derby. But I kept waiting for something deep to happen, for there to be some amazing and profound line. It never did. Unfortunate.

2. I saw Rob Bell on Tuesday in Tampa. He released a new book in August called Drops Like Stars. It’s about creativity and suffering and love and Jesus. The book was amesome as was his talk. But his talk simply added an interactive element to the book. I expected it to be somewhat like a lecture because I’m forever a student. :) It was good, and I still took away pockets full of wisdom even though I had read a lot of what he said already.

3. Zach Williams is amazing. He is a musician who lives in Brooklyn. His music is raw and honest. Sometimes he wails so much passion that I get chill bumps. Normally, that only happens with live music. His music is inspiring me lately. I haven’t felt inspired by music in a long time, so it is beautiful to be in that once again. You should check him out: www.myspace.com/zacharywilliams

4. Have I mentioned that Florida did not get the memo that it is fall? Because it didn’t. And it is HOT. I am a North Carolinian who enjoys ALL of the seasons. Want to know my least favorite? You guessed it: summer. Oh the sacrifices we make to do the things we love. Haha. jk. I listened to Christmas music on pandora.com today just to feel cold. Haha. It didn’t work, but it was nice.

Thoughts:

I started Donald Miller’s new book the other day. It’s called A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. It’s a spiritual memoir and kind of a sequel-ish thing to Blue Like Jazz. I read that one at a pivotal time in my life in college and got me thinking about Jesus in new ways. This one is doing the same thing.

The book focuses on the journey Don was on when two guys asked if they could make his book (BLJ) into a movie. Of course, the story had to be edited. So, Don learned a lot about story and that in good stories a character goes on a search for something. Don says that to have a meaningful life, we need to live a meaningful story. And I wonder if I am living a meaningful story. I think I am. I will let you know how the rest of the book goes.

I miss home. I mean, almost everyone who leaves home misses it at some point. I am no different in that regard.

I miss the kids,

and the way Meredith looks in the fall,

and my conversations with Luke about movies,

and listening to Noah while he reads,

and playing barbies with Isabel,

and drinking wine and talking with my mom,

and watching LOST and hanging out with my sister,

and my apartment and the four of us who made it a home,

and the living room that was “my room” for a month and a half before I left,

and walking the halls of Joyner on the way to class,

and helping students in the Registrar’s office,

and my wonderful professors and their wealth of knowledge,

and Shakespeare,

and reading Chaucer in Middle English,

(not so much Jane Austen, haha),

and Raleigh with roads I know and the random late night drives they took me on,

and my snobby Barnes and Noble in Cary where all the booksellers know me.

Home.

I’m not sad; I just miss it. Remember what I said in the last blog about learning how part of loving someone means that there is a part of you that aches when they are not around. Well, I ache for home. I don’t want pity. I simply wanted to share.

That’s all I have for now. But I promise to write another blog before 7 days pass.

so much love.