for me to be late about posting.
First things first, my membership to the B and N expires at the end of the month.
And I think, maybe, just maybe, I will sign up for a Book-A-Million (BAM) membership instead of renewing my B and N.
Now, y'all know how faithful I am to the B and N.
But down here, the BAMs are just better.
Their hours are longer, they seem to have a bigger selection of my preferred YA.
I mean, the decision has not been made yet (mostly because I'm poor this month), but.
Just thought I'd fill you in.
Because really, if I get a BAM membership, that's a big deal.
I find myself not writing as much as I'd like.
I've been wondering why this is, and I have some semblance of an answer.
Sometimes, I feel like my whole self is being ripped different directions.
I have to focus on work, my dreams, my new living situation, what I'm consuming, what I'm reading, staying connected to home, being present where I am, etc.
The pressure of being focused on all of these things is I feel like there's nothing left at the end of the day to give, no lingering creativity, no beautiful arrangement of words from my own hand.
I felt this during my internship, too.
I think part of it is transition and part of it is lack of discipline.
Like, of course it's hard to say something meaningful when sometimes it feels like a small victory just making it through the day in one piece.
Anyway, this is rambley--just what's on my mind.
This week has been a hard one.
It is winding down to a hopeful close.
I am thankful for you today.
I am glad that you are reading my words, even though I'm not always fully committed to them.
I hope wherever you are, you allow yourself to see beauty happening.
Be kind to yourself.
I'm learning this, too.
Drink hot chocolate from oversized mugs,
and build fires for marshmallows.
Enjoy the company of laughter and hope.
Peace to you.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
The day did not start off on a great note.
My espresso drink from Starbucks tasted silky.
I like my coffee (and mochas, specifically) bitter and smooth.
Silky is not something I want to happen inside my mouth.
Just before that, I bit into an apple I was hoping would be a nice, quick breakfast.
Instead, it was gritty and gag-inducing.
Settling into this environment that isn't so new but has a new context is hard.
Crappy mornings do not help this matter.
But the day didn't stay so for long.
I read Libba's blog and laughed.
Laughter is a wonderful antidote to crappy mornings.
I started Emily Dickinson's biography during lunch.
I only made it through the chronology and preface.
I also checked out four more books from the library.
Now, I have nine books checked out.
I know it sounds like a lot, and I probably won't read them in the three week time allotment.
But the thing is, it makes my spirits brighter just finding and holding onto the promise of a good story.
It may sound a little crazy, especially for you I'm-not-really-the-reading-type people.
It actually helps my mental health though. :)
Something I realized today:
Between the Trees is to emo-ish punk music as Kenny Chesney is to country music.
Since BTT is one of my favorite bands, this is a sad realization.
I think Kenny can put on a good show, and I enjoy his vibe.
He hasn't written a new song in years.
He just keeps writing the same one and singing it over and over.
It seems to me that BTT is much like this.
Ryan (the lead singer) writes the same song again and again and again and again.
They are all about him loving a girl and a) missing her, b) wanting to hold her, or c) telling her how much he loves her.
And that's awesome.
But I need a little thought, some vocabulary, and a little fucking thought.
I mean, I'm really glad that you miss your girlfriend, but can you please figure out a different way to express yourself?
Because quite frankly, sir, you sound like a broken record.
You can say "I miss you" in one song, but there are other creative and thoughtful ways to express your misery at her absence.
See what I just did there?
"Misery at her absence" = missing her = not hard = actually thinking before speaking/writing.
It is really dumb because I think the guys are really talented, and I love Ryan's voice.
I just can't really take him seriously anymore.
Also upsetting: it took them three years to come out with a sophomore album!
And all you have to sing about is how much you <3>
In other music updates of my life, I was introduced to Bon Iver in the fall.
The lyrics and Justin's voice mesmerize me.
I hope you will take a minute and listen, especially "Skinny Love."
Justin wrote the whole first album out in a cabin in the woods by himself.
I can't believe this is my second post in a week.
I guess it's good to start strong.
Hope your Wednesday night is cozy and warm.
Monday, January 11, 2010
So as it turns out, I wasn't so good about carving out writing time in my schedule in the fall.
This winter is an attempt to be better.
Some of you may know this already, but for those who don't:
I've left the land of the pines for the land of the palms.
At the end of my term, TWLOHA offered me a full time job that I accepted.
If you don't know this already, I'm sorry it is happening through an Internet post.
I only had three weeks at home, and I did as much visiting and hanging out as I could.
And since my mind is scattered today, I leave you with my thoughts in a list:
1. Heavy and Light was amazing. It is crazy to be on the team instead of in the crowd. I got to meet Anis Mojgani. He is one of the kindest souls I've ever met--gentle, sweet, raw, and honest.
2. I am incredibly grateful for the constant company of books. They meet me in ways that keep me grounded.
3. Cocoa has a quiet library with great nooks. I believe I enjoy frequenting it.
4. In the past week, I have drank coffee almost every day. I realize many college students do this for survival, but I didn't. It has always been a symbol of transitioning into being a grown-up, which I guess is what I am now. haha.
5. At Heavy and Light, Aaron Gillespie compared Zach Williams to a male version of Aretha Franklin. I agree with him. Do you? myspace.com/zacharywilliams
6. Today, I will check out Whitman's Leaves of Grass and some of Emily Dickinson's poetry. I have been very curious about poetry since my newfound love on John Keats this past fall.
7. It's actually cold in Florida!! When we were driving home from Heavy and Light, it was 29 degrees--29 DEGREES!! That is legit cold. I was ecstatic. Earlier that day, it was sleeting (only for a few minutes and melting upon meeting the ground, but still--sleet. In Florida).
Wherever you are, I hope you're reading good books.
If you are, tell me their titles. :)