Saturday, June 5, 2010

An Attempt at Consistency

My eyes are burning in that way that only happens when you have been awake too long.
They just want to close for long and beautiful hours of rest, dreams, and inactivity.
Bags and suitcases full of all the items that make up the home I manage to build away from home line the wall behind me.
I have a perfect new window seat that is momentarily occupied by boxes in The Yellow House (that's the name of my new home, as of last night).
The Temper Trap's "Sweet Disposition" is streaming through my headphones while I sit on my frameless bed.
I'm awaiting the sunrise.
I moved to Florida 9 months ago, and I've wanted to see a sunrise here since I arrived.
Today will be my first.
Sunrises are special to me because I never rise with the sun, since I've normally set not long before the sun rises.
Just after the sun rises today, though, I shall set.
The sleep will be thick and deep, necessary adjectives after this week.

Twelve hours ago, two of my friends got married.
Despite the teasing rain and soaked backyard, we celebrated.
In sweat and love and joy and hope, we most definitely celebrated.
They belong together.
It feels good to have witnessed, and I wish you knew them.
I'm still trying to figure out if that kind of love will be a part of my life one day.
Regardless, it is beautiful to see in the lives of people around me. :)

Now it is 5:32 am, and I am still awake.
My mind is crowded with jumbled thoughts of honesty and vulnerability.
I believe both are better than their alternatives, but I'm finding that I do neither of them as well as I would like.
Is that the tale of being human?
Always reaching for a goal we may never attain on this side of heaven?
I wish my brain had enough room to process and contemplate for a while.
But it doesn't, and after the closest star rises in the sky, I will recharge.

Perhaps this post is slightly splotchy and quite short.
But, hey, this is my effort to post more.
I hope that wherever you are, your Saturday morning finds you with a smile on your face and hope in your heart.
Know that you are loved in more ways than you know.

Let me know how you're doing in comments, and always if you have any questions post them there.
I am glad you're here.

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